Demon Lord's Reincarnation

Chapter 382 - True Feelings

What\'s more deep inside of him, the words Lara said resonated in his very soul. He knew that the way he was acting right now wasn\'t right, but the emotions he was feeling the hatred that was crawling in his very being wasn\'t going away.

Now not only was Valdel angry but he was feeling ashamed for the things he said and done. Most of what he said were just twisted versions of what he has hidden deep within himself, while some were truly what he felt at the moment. He was having too many conflicting feelings at the moment and was unable to cope with it.

…

Seeing Valdel not moving and simply glaring at him, Ren came closer to Valdel and sat down a few feet away from him. Ren then placed his sheathed sword right beside him and wasn\'t even holding it. The sword was a foot away from his hand. Just one step and Valdel could cut him down, showing this type of opening was both a provocation and a test.

Ren even closed his eyes and relaxed his body as if he was going to meditate. He was full of openings at this very moment. Even though this was the perfect opportunity to attack, Valdel couldn\'t. His mind and body were telling him to attack, but his heart was saying otherwise. Even now what Lara said echoed in his ears.

So in the end, Valdel simply continued to look at Ren with that angry glare on his face. After a few more minutes of doing nothing, but stare at each other Valdel finally moved and placed his sword and dagger on the floor, Valdel then sat down.

Seeing the way he reacted made Ren smile. If Valdel were to attack him Ren would\'ve cut him down not killing him but severely injuring him. It was a good thing Valdel did what he did, since if he attacked Ren would need to fix him up again and then wait for him to wake up and repeat this whole thing. Now that they had their weapons down they can finally talk.

"So the effects of Nyarlom\'s influence is finally dying down. Still, no matter what he did I\'m sure that his malice wouldn\'t make you react that way if there was not some truth in it. I can\'t believe I\'m about to say something like this but, how about instead of using our blades to talk, let\'s actually talk with words. Tell me, Val, how do you truly feel about me?"

Valdel looked at Ren without saying a word. The two of them were quiet for some time until finally, Valdel decided to respond.

"Ren, I love you, I hate you, I respect you, I envy you, I\'m irritated by you, I want to win against you, and there are too many other things, but those are the main things that I feel about you. To me, these feelings are what drives me forward. I love you and hate you as my friend, I deeply respect you as my mentor, I envy your strength that could win against any adversity, but at the same time, I\'m irritated by that same strength that makes me feel weak. Your strength makes me feel inadequate, it makes me feel like everything I do is wrong."

Valdel stopped talking for a moment and looked Ren in the eye. He looked for just a moment before sighing.

"It also irritates me that you have the strength but you don\'t do anything about it. All you want is to fight opponent after opponent, all you seek is battle. The only thing your strength accomplishes is to crush those around you. Though on occasion you do save people and in those times they were nothing but a side note to you. I always thought that if only I had your strength, then I will be able to save everyone, that I would be able to make everyone around me happy. This is why I want to win against you, I want to prove that I can surpass you and achieve my goals, my dreams. This is what I truly feel, Ren."

Ren\'s lips curled upward as he closed his eyes. After a few seconds, Ren opened his eyes and responded to Valdel.

"I see… Seeing as we are friends, and you did tell me how you feel about me, then I shall do the same. Val, more than anything I feel pity for you. To me, your ideal to save everyone and make everyone around you happy is a joke."

Despite hearing such a thing from Ren, Valdel was surprisingly calm as he continued to listen to what Ren had to say.

"No matter how powerful, you cannot save everyone, there will always be somebody out there that cannot be saved. To make everyone happy is impossible, to make someone happy means you must take that happiness from another. It\'s an equivalent exchange, to give you must take or are you telling me that you will sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of others?"

"If it means that I can save one more person that I can make one more person happy, then I shall sacrifice everything I have."

"Now this is what I hate about you Val, your naivete. Do you think those around you will be happy if you sacrifice what you have for their sake?"

"…"

"You can\'t answer, can you?… Well, I also hate that you keep on whining about how weak you are, about how strong I am. You keep on pushing your own ideals onto me, and you tell me that I control you. Isn\'t it the other way around, haven\'t I been mostly going around saving your sorry a*s from the problems that you create."

"…"

"Also let me tell you another thing Val, if you continue on this path of yours, you will change from a hero to a villain."

"THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!" Valdel suddenly shouted at Ren. "No matter what I only wanted to save those that I can save. How is that the path leading me to become a villain?"

"Weren\'t you trying to kill me a while ago, because you think that I was in the way of your so called righteous path? Also, are you thinking that being a hero is a force of good while being the villain is to be bad?"

"Isn\'t a hero one that saves others good, and the villain the one that does evil?"

"So that\'s what you think?… Val not everything is black and white. You see a hero and a villain are two sides of the same coin. Villains aren\'t necessarily evil, most of them think what they\'re doing is just. A hero to someone can be the villain of another, and vice versa the villain to someone else can be the hero of another. It all depends on a single action that can change where the coin is facing. Just a single misstep and you will fall. What I\'m trying to say is, that if you continue to be inflexible in your thinking you will eventually break."

"Then how about you Ren, are you a villain or a hero?"

"Haven\'t you been listening to what I have just said?"

"I have, which is why I\'m asking you this… I\'m not asking if you\'re good or bad, I\'m asking you that in your eyes, what do you see in yourself, are you the villain or the hero?" Valdel once again asked while looking at Ren directly at his eyes. It was like Valdel was trying to peer into his very soul. Just that thought made Ren smile a bit. If Valdel could truly see through his soul, then Ren wondered what he would think of his past incarnations. Ren shook his head to expel the thought before answering.

"I\'m neither the hero nor the villain since unlike you who tries to be the hero all the time, I can be both and at the same time nothing. If I want to save someone I save them, if I don\'t like someone I kill them. To me it\'s that simple, I only follow my own path."

"Is that so?…"

"Yeah, it seems like we have said what we wanted to say or is there something you want to add?"

"Ren, am I truly your friend? Tell me the truth, do you truly consider me as your friend."

When Ren heard Valdel\'s sudden question he was stunned for a moment before he started to laugh. "Even after hearing all that we said to each other, and you still ask that question?"

"Yeah, I need to hear it from your own mouth," Valdel answered with a serious look on his face. Seeing him act like that Ren stopped laughing.

"Yeah, we\'re friends Val."

"Then as your friend, tell me the truth Ren, what\'s your connection to Demon lord Kretos?"