BXBX NOVEL Chapter 119: Questions and doubts
This time, it was my bond with Fay that provided me with a whole load of new information at the expense of proving that even the things I took for granted were not as set in stone as I expected them to be.
\'So it\'s actually possible for one\'s attributes to reach beyond ten,\' I thought while trying not to pay much mind to Fay skipping around with an extremely satisfied and amused expression. \'But before her transformation, only Fay\'s aura breaks past ten points. And I already know it slightly different than all the other stats…\'
I shook my head. .
\'Maybe the upper limit one\'s attributes can reach is related to one\'s race? And it\'s change to Fay\'s race that allows her to overcome her current limits?\'
So many questions, so little answers.
This swarm of unknowns suddenly felt ironic, given how I\'d just received a blessing of knowledge!
"Hon!" Fay called out only to jump at me from behind, wrap her hands across my chest, and hang down on me.
"Yes, dear?" I asked, realizing I could no longer ignore the great mood that she was in ever since she learned how much stronger she was than me.
"Fay will keep you safe, so you don\'t need to worry all that much!" she whispered straight to my ear, only for the intensity of her proud, nearly smug smile to explode.
"…" Honestly speaking, I wasn\'t sure how I was supposed to reply to this.
Thank her for her dedication? Roll my eyes and move on?
In the end, I simply raised my hand and covered Fay\'s fingers with it, pressing them tighter to my chest.
"Thank you. But you know, I always wanted to be the one protecting you."
If I didn\'t know what to say, then my best bet was to just be honest.
"I don\'t mean to dismiss you, I\'m extremely happy to know how happy you are willing to use your strength to help me out… But I just can\'t help but feel conflicted about it."
Maybe it was the naive understanding of masculinity, something that I had to overcome on my path to becoming a properly socialized person. Or maybe… Or maybe I felt conflicted because I just lost one of the only two advantages I had that made me feel at least remotely worthy of keeping Fay by my side.
As we were right now, I could no longer claim I was keeping her safe, be it from the threats back in her world or the dangers of modern civilization. And with how we only had that miraculous herb from Fay\'s world to thank for our current, financial situation… What else was there that I could claim I did for her?
"Hon is worrying about something stupid again…" Fay complained in a faint voice, most likely growing mindful of the onlookers who grew increasingly annoyed by our public display of happiness and affection.
We were out in the open, casually making our way back to Makary-controlled land where he was supposed to provide me with some guns. But with how we moved to a slightly nicer part of the town, this trek now turned from a mere few minutes of walk into a serious, half-an-hour-long journey.
"It\'s just the usual," I admitted with a sigh while pressing Fay\'s hands even tighter to my chest. "I\'m worrying more and more over how little I\'m doing to earn this devotion of yours."
I shook my head before letting go of Fay\'s hands, allowing her to unlock them and slide out of my back. Before I could even say another word, though, she already run up to my side only to wrap her arm around my hand and press herself to my side.
"I\'m worrying over how little I bring to the table. And maybe…"
I cut my sentence before I could voice out the risky thought that appeared in my mind.
\'Maybe that\'s why I\'m so driven to cross the starlight plain. For if it would allow me to let them leave that celestial forest, I could regain some self-worth…\'
"You are worrying about stupid things again, hon," Fay repeated her words from just before, reaching down my arm with her hand only to interlock her slim fingers with mine. "I didn\'t become your mate because of the benefits you could offer me," her tone changed to a serious one. "I\'m with you for who you are, not for what I can get out of our relationship."
I took a deep breath and held myself back from sighing heavily.
\'Oh how easy it is to say this,\' I thought, suddenly realizing the trouble of being with someone out of one\'s league.
The problem with Fay was… that she was too ideal. Too beautiful, cheerful, energetic, submissive, intelligent, devoted…
She was the picture-perfect woman that all the men in the world could only dream about. And by some chance, she ended up becoming my mate for life.
Just how conceited I would have to be not to worry about whether I was worthy of her or not? It was this kind of worry that served as my fuel to grow and…
Suddenly, even my thoughts stopped.
\'This desire to be worthy of her is what drives me to grow and be better,\' I thought, pressing my lips into a thin line when I noticed how my late mom\'s last words came back to me in this unexpected way.
"This world really is wrong…" Fay suddenly whispered, lowering her voice so as to not attract even more jealous and outright hostile looks from the onlookers.
We were about to step into the lands under Makary\'s rule, and people were growing more and more open with their feelings towards a happy and clearly well-off couple.
"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled by Fay\'s sudden statement.
In response, she tightened her hold over my hand and shook her head.
"This world has to be wrong, for it to poison you into thinking just being a kind, honest, and earnest person isn\'t enough," Fay muttered as she lowered her eyes. "Tell me," she raised her chin back up and threw a sideways glance at my face. "Back when you fed me for the first time, were you hoping for me to do something for you in return?"
Still in the flow of my negative thoughts, I quickly found the answer.
"I\'m not going to lie here, I had some designs of getting to pet you…"
Fay missed a step, momentarily pulling on my hand to regain her pace.
"So you were kind to a random animal in hopes of playing with it for a bit," she muttered only to then roll her eyes. "You were kind just so you could be even kinder…"
Fay shook her head again, only to let go of my hand, rush forth a few paces, and then turn around. And right on the border between the government-controlled part of the town and the zone of Makary\'s influence, she reached out and caught my face between her hands.
Normally, this kind of hold would only be an invitation for a kiss… But not this time. This time, Fay indeed leaned forward but opted to rest her forehead against mine instead. And with only an inch separating our faces…
"You are enough," she whispered, her warm breath hitting my face and filling my nose. "You are my mate. Not because I hoped to gain something from you, but simply because I grew to like you."
With our faces already that close, Fay simply leaned the bottom of her face forth and graced my lips with a gentle peck.
"So, don\'t be a dummy and never doubt yourself again. For if when you start thinking if you are worthy of me, it inevitably makes me question whether I\'m even worthy of you."