BXBX NOVEL Chapter 72: Fay's confessions
Should I just cheer her on? Or maybe I should dig deeper, to understand the core of the issue and then help her work it through?
And why did she call herself all those unpleasant words? Why was she suddenly bringing up that conflict between celestials and divines?
"Fay…" I whispered… Only to shut my damn mouth and wrap my arms around Fay\'s back a little bit tighter.
For now, there was no need for words. And so, I allowed the girl to collapse in my embrace as a sob, and then another, shook her chest.
\'What should I do?\'
This question ran in my head, seemingly another one I would never find the right answer to. But an answer I had to give.
"Fay, I don\'t want to hurt you by asking, but I want to understand you," I softly spoke while leaning my head forward, and hiding my face in the storm of Fay\'s long, white hair. "Unwanted bastard?" My voice trembled, turning weaker with every word. "What are you even talking about?"
In the end, my voice was no better than a mere whine.
But how could I help Fay if I didn\'t understand a word she said? And while the direct meaning of her confession was clear… I simply failed to fit into the greater context of the situation.
"You cannot see Papa anywhere because just by appearing here, he would reignite the war," Fay revealed. And this time, she didn\'t allow herself even a hint of doubt, spouting an answer as soon as I finished my last, small outcry.
\'She stood up to Madam to have this talk with me… So I guess she came prepared for it.\'
I closed my eyes, focusing on just my sense of smell and touch, diving into the wonderland of Fay\'s sweet scent and the softness of her hair.
"Because Papa is the leader of the divine protectors, while Mom used to lead the celestial beasts."
I pressed my eyelids even tighter, struggling to maintain my composure when faced with the news.
While I could pretty much tell that there was more to Madam that I already saw or knew about… She didn\'t really strike me as someone who could rule half of this wondrous forest.
\'Wait, do I even know what makes a ruler? And how could I recognize one if I don\'t know?\'
Just like I could never stop wondering how some of the faces in the political news ever appeared there, I had no right to claim I knew what to expect from a leader of this world. Leinei\'s muted reaction when I revealed the small scheme hidden in my plan proved that the common sense of this world was different. And that only made it harder to predict anything!
But now, faced with Fay\'s news… what exactly was the thing I was supposed to do or say?
For the first time in my life, stronger than ever before, I felt regret for not interacting with people more. Were I to have real friends and family, would I know? Would I unlock the dialogue option that leads to the best outcome?
With how shocked I was, I only managed to realize two things.
First, Fay didn\'t use a single form, referring to celestials and divines per beast and protectors alternatively. A random thought that somehow occurred, helped me to clear my mind and restart my thinking process.
The second thought was slightly more puzzling.
\'How am I able to think so much in what\'s merely a single instant of time?\'
"Why are you telling me all of this?"
My hand started to move up and down Fay\'s spine, gently patting the girl as I went. I raised my other hand to the back of Fay\'s head, burying my fingers into the storm of her hair to reach and pet her head directly.
Holding her up in a different embrace, my entire body plummeted down, making me fall on my ass while cushioning Fay\'s descent with my thighs.
Collapsing down like that, Fay instantly wrapped herself into my chest, hiding her face in the corner of my neck and shoulder.
"I\'m not my father\'s servant nor the underling of whoever replaced Mom," Fay whispered.
Somehow, she managed to calm down. Her body shook no more, and her breathing stabilized. "I am just… me."
I could tell that this confession was of great importance… but for the love of all that\'s holy, I couldn\'t tell what it was supposed to mean!
Fay suddenly pressed her hands on my shoulders and pulled herself up a bit, facing me for the first time since this unexpected event started.
"That\'s why, when you appeared in the middle of the forest, completely out of nowhere…" Fay suddenly bit her tongue, quickly paying the price of revealing her face to me.
\'Wait…\' A strange suspicion froze my soul over. \'She saw me back then? Right when I came out from the portal!?\'
I freaked out… but just like Fay, I quickly brought myself back to my senses. \'Wait, whether she saw me or not, changes nothing. But there has to be a reason for her to tell me all of this!\'
Rather than interrupting Fay or calling her out on the slip on the tongue, I opted to just pat her lightly on the shoulder. Instead of pressure, I hoped to give her the confidence to go on.
"When I first saw you, I thought you were a treat. With an aura so insanely dark…"
It couldn\'t escape my attention that the mere memory of that moment made Fay all tense up.
"But then, you were so eager and later happy to feed me, to rub my back…" Fay lightly shook her head, as if in disbelief. Then, she suddenly grew aware of what she was talking about, causing intense red to cover her cheeks. "When I saw you appear out of nowhere, I just wanted to use you to escape this damned forest."
Fay\'s confession… didn\'t hurt anywhere nearly as it would if I heard it from my ex, back in the day. Because now I had some shred of confidence when it came to Fay\'s feelings. And with this confidence at the back of my head, I could easily accept that she didn\'t fall in love with me on sight.
I had confidence in Fay\'s feelings, so how could something that small ever shake my trust in her? Getting angry or disappointed over what she admitted to would only prove how small of a man I would be.
"Only when I saw how different you are from the impression I had from your aura, I started to get curious about you. Only then, did I…" Fay\'s blush grew even more intense as she lowered her chin and buried her eyes down.
In the end, I took all that news calmly. I was confident in Fay\'s feelings. As confident as I was regarding my own. And this means, my only goal in this situation was to understand the problem and help Fay solve it.
And all of her confessions, as scared as this foxy could be to make them, helped me to achieve this purpose.
\'It\'s not like she lied or cheated. She didn\'t reveal what attracted her to me, but that\'s all. And appearing out of nowhere before the eyes of someone who, I\'ve got a feeling, wants to leave this cage of the forest…\'
I gulped my saliva down.
Now, everything was starting to make sense.
\'There\'s nothing wrong with it, just like there\'s nothing wrong with me being attracted by her looks first!\'
"I will ask again," I spoke softly, right on the edge between speech and a whisper. Both of my hands now moved towards Fay\'s chest… only to grab her just below her armpits, holding her in place. "Why are you telling me all this?"
Unable to hold the eye contact, Fay lowered her face again. Then, she ignored my hold and pressed her forehead against my chest, rubbing it to the sides a bit while giving out a small, whiny moan.
"I\'m your ally!" Fay raised her hands and struck me gently in the chest with both of them as if throwing a dejected fit. "From the moment when I first went in heat around you, from when I saw you all happy just watching me enjoy your gifts…"
Fay\'s forehead stopped, indicating she bit herself in the tongue for the second time. And once again, just a tad too late.
\'I guess I wasn\'t supposed to hear that,\' I thought, giving up on my attempts at looking Fay in the eye and opting to just go back to giving her reassuring back pats.
Moments later, Fay gathered herself again before pulling back herself and looking up with teary eyes right on my face.
"And that\'s why, I want you to trust me and tell me what happened!" Fay finally revealed the main core of what she struggled with.
The conflict between the guilt she felt about her initial plans of using me and the seemingly selfish desire to know more about me, more than anyone else, that she felt now that we were together.
Being pretty much an introvert, I could very well understand this poor girl\'s struggle.
Yet, before I could even reply, Fay reached out with her hand to my cheek. She didn\'t move in for the kiss, though, opting to just stay still in my arms while gazing up, teary-eyed, into my pupils.
"Because I can\'t bear the troubled look you had when we left Leinei\'s hut. And because just like you, even though I was born and raised here…" Fay made a short pause, only for a small, sad smile to appear on her face as she raised her other hand and covered my other cheek with it. "I\'m an outsider too."