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Chapter 107

unedited

At that moment, Qi Jing’s eyelids flickered as his eyes cracked open, only to see his silhouette in a sleepy haze. In the darkness, he couldn’t tell if that man was really there, or perhaps in some other place. He blinked, befuddled, then once again closed his eyes.

And subconsciously, he shifted his face closer, until his nose touched someone’s neck, its scent faint but warm, just like the scent of the pillow he was just resting his head on.

No matter how he smelled it, it was a beautiful scent.

Qi Jing’s eyebrows momentarily relaxed, smiling peacefully in his half-sleep—This dream really isn’t too bad...

Thinking so fuzzily, he instinctively turned his face towards the source of the scent, moving over his body to snuggle against this warm and sturdy place. Because it was too close, whenever he breathed steadily, his breath would quickly brush back against his face. But he would often sleep in that man’s arms, so he already got used to this and was no longer uncomfortable with it.

At that time, he felt something caressing his hair lightly, then something pressed against his forehead yet again.

This time it stayed longer than the one before, the sentiment deeper than the first one, containing strong yearning within. Then, that thing moved down slowly, following the bridge of his nose—it parted from him for a moment, then covered his lips gently.

“Mh...” Qi Jing groaned instinctively. With this groan, his throat bobbed up and down, his fingers clawing on the bed sheets and his breathing growing urgent. He opened his lips, wanting to say something, but felt a moist trail sweeping across his tongue—completely unexpected, leaving behind a kind of sweetness melting there, to the point where he had no way of going against it.

But if it went on any more, he would really suffocate—

Qi Jing trembled slightly. The realness of this suffocation made him wake up immediately. His eyes shot open and he finally realised that the person before him wasn’t just his wishful fantasy.

“Shen... Yan...?” The moment he woke up completely, Qi Jing regretted waking up too early and cutting this kiss off so soon.

“Mhm.” The other man only replied with a low hum, but this single sound filled the hollowed part of Qi Jing’s chest to the brim, the joy rushing to his head, so happy that he couldn’t help his lips from curling up. The moment he smiled, he had no way but to hug this man tightly as he muttered his name in a quiet voice, “Shen Yan.”

He was so sure that he would have to wait another few hours before seeing him again, so he didn’t expect to get pleasantly surprised so suddenly, so quickly.

“Mhm,” Shen Yan replied again, his head just by Qi Jing’s temples, “I’m back.”

Gratified to the fullest, Qi Jing felt his eyes grow a bit hot instead. Unable to say a word, he buried his head in Shen Yan’s shoulder and took a deep breath, both smiling and sighing at the same time.

—What time is it now?—It’s so late yet you still rushed back from the hospital, was that the last bus? Outside is so dark and cold, did you catch a cold?

There were so many questions he could have asked, yet Qi Jing didn’t feel like asking any at all. At least now, he allowed himself to indulge in his selfishness for a moment—rather than asking those, the fact that Shen Yan has returned was much more important. Once he started to ask, his guilty conscience would certainly overweight the joy, so why would he rush to ruin this moment?

Being the bad guy is also not that bad—Qi Jing thought to himself.

Shen Yan also seemed to have caught what he was thinking. He didn’t say anything, reaching his hand to turn on the bedside lamp. Shadows created by its light made everything in the room appear more tangent, the hazy outline of Shen Yan sitting on the bedside also reflected on the window glass. There seemed to be a division between the worlds of coldness and warmth there&#k2014;winter stopped at that place and didn’t dare to approach any closer.

Qi Jing didn’t want to stay lying, so he sat up, embracing this man’s back with his arm. Although the room was warm, the shirt on Shen Yan’s back was cold to touch—Qi Jing could guess that he had been caught by a chilly wind on his way back home and was probably freezing; it probably wasn’t long since he entered the apartment, so he quickly tucked him under the duvet.

“Huff...” He cupped Shen Yan’s hands, lowering his head to blow air at it, making it nice and warm. Shen Yan lowered his eyes down to look at him silently, a faint smile on his face. At last, he gathered him gently into an embrace, leaning against a headboard of the bed.

“How is your mom?” Qi Jing observed his expression and behaviour for a while, and only after seeing that there was no trace left of that miserable daze from yesterday, he decided to carefully bring up this topic.

“She’s doing fine,” When Shen Yan spoke, Qi Jing could feel his chest vibrating slightly from his voice—a much more calm one then what he had expected, “By the time I left the hospital, she was already asleep.”

“Then the conversation between the two of you...” This was where Qi Jing’s concern actually laid, and also where he was most cautious with his asking.

Shen Yan remained silent for a moment, then finally gave a short, bitter laugh, “We talked for almost four hours and it wasn’t as scary as I initially imagined. Just... how can you even say everything about the experiences from over ten years? My mom needs time to adjust herself, and I do too. We can do that one step at a time—she is already registered for a surgery, so these few days I might ask for a leave to take care of her in the hospital.”

Hearing this, Qi Jing somewhat sighed with relief. He didn’t hope for it to be a one-time solution to all of the difficulties between them. But despite that, a good beginning is always worth persevering in carrying on.

“You’re right, one step at a time.” Thinking about how Shen Yan was supposed to also go to the hospital the next day, he laughed in spite of himself, “Honestly, I could see that you two wouldn’t be able to finish talking in just one day, that’s why I wanted you to stay at the hospital... But why did you come back? Why not stay for a night, you wouldn’t have to rush back and forth like this?”

He didn’t say that according to his heart, but it was still just as true.

Shen Yan stayed silent for a moment. Qi Jing felt Shen Yan turn his face to a side, closing in unhurriedly as he pressed his lips on his forehead. “Because you sent me a message.”

Qi Jing was flabbergasted. He clearly had already made sure to delete that “I miss you”, so could it be that Shen Yan guessed it despite that?

“I...” He should say that he was doing alright, no need to worry about him, right?

“You said that everything was fine, no need for me to worry about you.” Shen Yan recalled the content of that message, then suddenly, he lowered his voice, speaking slowly as he looked away, a bit uneasy, “Then... there was nothing. I thought you would also say something more...”

When Qi Jing heard that, light flickered in his eyes, his heart as if covered in a taut skin, drumming incessantly. He wanted to smile, but restrained himself, smoothing his lips to deliberately push the matter further instead, “What more you thought I would say?”

As he said this, he shifted even closer into the other man’s embrace, lifting his head to kiss him under his chin, as if mockingly. Shen Yan’s hand around his shoulder slowly tightened the hug. He tried to say something, but it took him a long while before he managed to continue hoarsely, “I thought that... With me staying out for the night, maybe you would say that you miss me... or something. But you didn’t.”

After speaking, he lowered his gaze uneasily. “Maybe it was because of this... that I felt a bit disappointed. And I also couldn’t bear to let you spend a night alone, so after some thinking, I still couldn’t help myself from coming back.”

With a “pfft”, Qi Jing finally laughed out loud. He kept laughing, snuggled against Shen Yan’s chest. Closing his eyes, he put his cheek just where Shen Yan’s heart was, listening to the low heartbeat speeding from the sound of his laughter, his mood indescribably high. “To be fair, I wrote that at first,” He admitted calmly as he laughed, an act of mercy. “I didn’t want you to get distracted, so I deleted it, but I didn’t expect you to rush back like this because of that.”

Shen Yan was taken aback.

At that time, Qi Jing pulled his hand over, quietly putting it on his own heart, showing him that in fact, both of their heartbeats were so similar—neither slower nor faster. The feelings from either of them couldn’t be said to be stronger or weaker as well. “I missed you.” Qi Jing smiled faintly, making up for those three words he didn’t send at that time.

Sure enough... Saying it directly still felt the most fulfilling.

Shen Yan didn’t say anything, only turning his head over to raise Qi Jing’s chin in silence. The kiss fell quietly, from his forehead to the corner of Qi Jing’s lip. His thumb traced lightly over it, its dry, prickly skin making it ticklish, causing Qi Jing to open his mouth in spite of himself for a whimper to escape, only to get drived back inside by that man’s tongue.

Qi Jing’s body slowly collapsed onto his, like a sugar cube melting into a coffee, losing its original firmness, yet also changing into a richer, fuller flavour, sweet all the way to the depths of his heart.

He was returning Shen Yan’s kiss on one hand while shifting around slightly on the other, his knee rubbing time and time again against Shen Yan, his bare toes rubbing against the inside of his lower leg, the friction causing a faint rustle of the fabric. Deep into the quiet winter night, it was unavoidable for a certain instinct to stir up.

“Ah...” He gasped in a low voice, his fingers instinctively moving towards the first button of Shen Yan’s shirt, wishing only for it to come undone.

“Qi Jing,” But at that moment, Shen Yan grabbed his hand gently, moving it slightly away as he supported his forehead against Qi Jing’s, his breathing hurried. He asked in a low voice, “Your... is it still hurting there?”

A moment later, Qi Jing realised what ‘there’ was referring to and his ears instantly turned beetroot red when he replied softly, “It’s alright... It shouldn’t be a problem anymore. What are you thinking about, for you to ask this?”

As he asked, he had already found his own reply, as well as made a thorough preparation for it.

Unfortunately, he underestimated the degree of this guy’s virtuousness—

Shen Yan’s reply was completely different from the one he thought of. He didn’t push him down at all, even letting go of him gently to reach his hand towards the bedside, taking out a small ointment from a white paper bag on the nightstand. Qi Jing was utterly stupefied—even without asking, he knew what this ointment was meant for. At that moment, he was both touched and disappointed at the same time, the feelings in his heart mixed in all kinds of flavours, and his thoughts in a disarray. The only thing left he could do was to slowly cuddle against Shen Yan below him, just laughing without a single word.

Still, no matter how virtuous its use, when Shen Yan put this thing before Qi Jing, his voice still had a bit hoarseness to it. He spoke softly, “I’m sorry... Yesterday, I went overboard and hurt you. I bought ointment back in the hospital apothecary. I...”

He got stuck, not knowing how to continue after that. Qi Jing bit down slightly on his lip, raising his right hand to grasp one end of the ointment box only to stroke up past its shape, finally grasping that man’s hand along with it. “You bought the one for use now—then the one for use in the future, did you buy it?” He asked huskily, “Mn?”

Shen Yan looked at him obliviously, not getting what he was pointing to. Qi Jing lowered his eyes with a chuckle, saying nothing to clarify, only adding, “Open the top drawer of the nightstand and have a look.”

Shen Yan seemed to have caught a certain insinuation and just stared at him blankly, but he still reached his hand and, as per Qi Jing’s instruction, opened the top drawer of the nightstand. In the far corner of the drawer, there were a couple of boxes with condoms, with a bottle of yet unopened lube by their side—the two essentials lined up side by side. And even though he asked Shen Yan to take a look at it, Qi Jing didn’t look at it himself, shifting his gaze away and burrowing his scalding hot face by the crook of Shen Yan’s neck.

“I bought them on my way back today,” He said in a low voice, “I handled the purchase, so you’ll be responsible for handling their usage.”

Shen Yan didn’t say anything, but Qi Jing could hear his heart, one powerful beat after another.

Hence, his voice turned even lower, low to the point of being intimate.

“As for the size, I chose it entirely based on my impression... And I only had two of those ‘impressions’ altogether, so I don’t know if it’s right or not.” With each word he spoke, his breath caressed the side of Shen Yan’s neck, the feeling whenever he laughed enough to stir a person’s heart, “Unless you want to give me another chance to revise it now?”

At that time, Shen Yan finally took a deep breath, lowering head by his ear—making him understand for the first time that the words can actually burn.

“Qi Jing,” There was a trace of pain in his serious, repressed voice, “...Don’t try me like this.”

As he heard this, Qi Jing felt his shoulders being held tightly in that man’s arms. He didn’t move a single bit, his heart leaping in spite of him. Shen Yan was rarely ever so fierce whenever they were alone—or rather than calling it fierce, it was more like a painful struggle of a person approaching their limit, about to lose their restraints.

And he didn’t even consider pulling this man back from it.

“Honestly... What to do, I really wish for you to fail this trial?”

Just as he finished this sentence, Shen Yan pushed the drawer back, closing it. Making it known that he had no intent of using the things inside.

Qi Jing was a bit disappointed by this, but just at that time, Shan Yan’s hand on his shoulder suddenly traced down his back, settling on the small of his back, pressing there slightly. That place couldn’t hold up against much strength in the first place, so with that move from him, Qi Jing couldn’t stop his body from going entirely soft and falling between both Shen Yan’s arms.

First, it was the corner of his brows that got pecked, then his cheeks, neck, all the way until the collar bones. Shen Yan’s kisses fell abundantly like a springtime rain, yet this rain wasn’t cold at all, but burning, momentarily making his head spin.

“Ngh...” He closed his eyes, left with no strength to resist.

He wasn’t bashful before, when it was him undoing Shen Yan’s buttons, but when it was Shen Yan’s turn to fumble about to pull on his zipper, his face turned completely red. He hastily reached his hand out to hold back his wrist symbolically, “Don’t...” But now, any words of objection had already lost any meaning, even more so when spoken with his voice in the heights of desire.

Shen Yan didn’t say a thing and slowly, patiently undid the button of Qi Jing’s trousers, then pulled the zipper all the way down until the waist band loosened. He could faintly feel the layer below, the fabric warm to the touch, almost as warm as Qi Jing’s body. His breathing was getting heavier and heavier and his fingers moved down Qi Jing’s smooth back, burying under the fabric and pulling it down a bit, taking it off halfways. After a moment of curbing Qi Jing’s brief struggle, he continued pulling it off with two hands, all the way below the thighs.

Qi Jing didn’t budge anymore, curling in his embrace, trembling slightly. After entangling together quite a while just now, he already had a reaction, even more so at that point—even if Shen Yan’s hand didn’t venture to that place, with how close together they were, he probably already felt it.

“Shen Yan...” He gasped, murmuring his name. Almost pleadingly.

It was hard to tell if it was to make him stop, or the opposite way around.

At that time, he heard the sound of a paper box being opened. Qi Jing was dumbfounded, and the moment he realised what Shen Yan was actually doing, his face instantly turned deep red.

He only heard Shen Yan sighing heavily, taking his hands back to open the ointment tube.

His heart was rushing as he waited. After a moment, he felt Shen Yan’s hand propping up his waist lightly, so he moved his body, ill at ease, changing to a lying position that would make it more convenient for Shen Yan to move, suppressing his embarrassment to gradually spread his legs.

“Now we’ll just use the one meant to be used now,” Shen Yan said huskily by his ear, “The one to be used in the future... I will be responsible for handling them, in the future. You recuperate well first.”

At that point, Qi Jing wasn’t even able to say a word, so sure enough he had no way to protest. Shen Yan hugged him, fingers gradually slipping inside, making him whimper involuntarily, going soft in his embrace. He had no chance of thinking of the future, nor did he feel a need to.

Just the present.

Just the present, with this man to accompany him through the night, he was already content enough with it.